dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
