I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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