I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize