we have pet lesbian snakes
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
