I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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