she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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