you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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