I'm passing your future prison.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
