a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
