Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
