At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
