I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
