it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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