I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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