I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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