that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
