Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
