I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
