u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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