Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
