K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
