Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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