I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
