I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
