A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
