I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
