Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
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He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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