i wish my penis had a tongue
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
