You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
