I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
