i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
