After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
