Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
