So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
