Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
