My girlfriend figured out who you are.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
