She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
