Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
well you can't waste a boner
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My breasts were aching with rage.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
