If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
