Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
