I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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