I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
