the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
