just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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