No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm bleeding and have questions
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
