her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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