he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
