I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
