i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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