these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
