There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
