Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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