I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
