The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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