if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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