it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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