Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
