3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
