I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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