i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
