remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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