Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
