first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize