She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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