You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
