i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
