Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she pinky promised me she was 18
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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