Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
