Sober January is a disaster.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
