my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
