Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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