Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
