You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
